Its been a while. I suppose I've been trying not to write. People have had some interesting things to say about our relationship and my inability to let go of you. I've been trying to live with 40. I've really been working on getting comfortable and accepting that this is where I am now.
So, the other day I was reading Miss Harper Can Do It, by Jane Berentson; and I read this ...."It's kind of like you've been watching television and you're sleepy. The couch, it feels good, and the sound of the TV are nice and soothing. You're not particularly riveted by the program riding out the whole night on the sofa. with mutterings of infomercials and throw pillows with semiabrasive stained upholstery. But you don't mind it. You so tired, you keep not leaving. In the back of you head - where you're still kind of awake and capable of reason - you know you should get up and go to the bedroom. but there's something that's keeping you there. It just seems good enough. You can't fathom that the bed is really any more comfortable. But then somehow - amazingly - you do it. You stand up. You walk to the bed and it's true It's unarguably better. Your legs stretch out all the way, and the pillow cases are smooth and cold and wonderful"
It occurred to me - I'm sleeping on the couch. I've gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable. That part of my problem with 40 is that I can't get off the couch. I don't know what's waiting for me and so I'd rather be uncomfortable, then get up and see that the bed isn't everything I've thought it would be, or worse yet isn't even there. And to top it off, I'm pissed that I'm on the couch. I thought 40 would be all 1000 thread count sheets, and dux mattresses, with down comforters and room service. But...its not.
So, I'm hopping off the couch. Jumping up stretching, - and Doing the Vagina Monologues!
Yep, that's right. I'm spending part of my time with 40 talking to strangers about the ever secret va jay jay. Helping people to experience the power of the privates, by hearing other people's stories about their privates. And in the process coming into my own sense of self. I've had hard days where I wanted to quit (nope migraine meds and rehearsals don't mix) and wonderful moments, when you say the lines just the right way and someone laughs. I've moaned (both elegant and doggie style), laughed, and moaned some more. I've stumbled over the easiest of things - warm ups- and triumphed over the hardest, that first step out into the lights.
I got to spend time with my raunchy self. hadn't seen her in a while. and if you ever need to meet yours just hang out in the green room of the vagina Monologues. We girls gave any guys locker room a run for their money. Did I mention that I even did karaoke? Yep, that was me and 40 hanging on the stage with some friends at the cast party rappin' "baby's got back" You don't even want to know what kind of moves come out when you're hanging with a bunch of Vagina Happy women and singing about Big Butts. It was a moment to remember.
So, now I'm off the couch.
Waiting to see what's next.
Glad you're still listening.