Blame It On the Alcohol

Dear 30’s,

Okay, listen, I’m sorry about the drunk dial from the wedding the other night.  I know its crazy to call you begging you to come hang out with me.  But you know what they say “If I’m callin’ at 2 in the morning that only means one thing baby” You know I just wanted a little time, not a serious thing, just one night.  And well, you know me and champagne…I thought it can’t hurt a girl to try.  I mean you were already there with other girls.  More than one I might add.

There I was trying to have fun with 40s we were dancing and drinking (which I’m not sure, but I think 40s put something in my drinks because I couldn’t drink as much as I could when I was with you) Anyway, I was having a great time – dancing, singing and enjoying the wedding reception– when I noticed that you were there with almost everyone else.  Talk about rubbing it in.  Just because you were still close to the bride, did you have to hang out with all her friends?  It was such a bizarre feeling.  Like I suddenly realized everyone was a member of a club I could not longer get into, and it felt awkward to be trying to.   I looked around the dance floor and tried to find the group I should now be with, and then thought,  “whatever if they’re not noticing I’ll just hang with 30s and maybe we can become friends again”.  40s of course tried to intervene and made my feet hurt and, made me get a little tired.  But, I refused to sit down or leave your group, I know I probably should have, and I did back away when realized I had bumped into some of the girls hangin’ with 20 – I tried for a few songs to hang around with them and then jetted out of there before 20 caught me.  Wouldn’t want 20s to think I was stalking.  After all that relationship ended ages ago.

Somewhere between dancing and drinking and drinking and dancing, with those girls you hang out with, I, for a moment, thought that maybe you still wanted to spend a little time with me.  I was keeping up and I was still dancing in that same super sexy way we used to dance together, those moves from the dance class – and it just seemed that I should call you and, you know, just check in.  Give it a shot.  See if we could you know…connect for a minute.

I really don’t think it was worth you blocking my calls.  That’s a little overboard.  I only rang you a few times (okay about 38) and left a couple messages, just explaining how unforgettable you are and how I just wanted a little moment.

Anyway since you didn’t answer you didn’t get to hear about the rest of the night.  I shouldn’t tell you, but I will because you should know that despite the fact that you tried to pack it in your stuff when you left you must have left behind some of my sex appeal. 

Well, when I was at the bar getting a drink – someone came over and said “ I’ve been waiting all night are you gonna dance with me or what” and of course I said “sure”  Well, it gets better because then he leaned in real close like forehead to forehead (and yes he had been drinking but no! he wasn’t just trying to keep from falling over) He said “Girl – you’re sexy as hell and I know your coming with me to my room tonight”

So in your face 30s I’ve still got it!!!! 

And better yet, when I told my husband he didn’t get all jealous upset like he used to when that happened when we were together instead he sort of looked at me with a look I couldn’t recognize, kissed me on the head and said “well that’s nice.”

me

p.s.  What are you doing later?

Something's missing

Dear 30s,
I know it's been a while...but you know how things go and I'm really trying to as they say "fall out of love with you" and build a new connection with 40s.

Anyway, I promised myself that this letter would be all business and none of the mushy stuff.  I need you to do me a favor.  Can you please check your pockets and that special place where we used to put important stuff and see if you can find my thought to talk filter.  I know I had it when I was with you.  I was always so patient with others and tolerated their craziness without saying anything (well without saying anything out loud).  And now I'm finding myself thinking and speaking at the same time.  I don't know how many ridiculous people I have actually TOLD were being crazy and that I didn't like the way they were talking to/treating me.

Case in point....The other day I was in a little fender bender.  I was merging, started going and then a car was speeding toward me so I stopped - well the car behind me didn't.  and BAM!!!  So I got out, they got out and then the guy goes "You know you don't have to stop, you have your own lane!!"  Okay so I walked up to the intersection to calm down, but that didn't work...then I returned to them and they looked at me and started complaining about my driving again and I said

"You know, I'm really surprised that after YOU rear-end ME the first words out your mouth aren't How are you?, but some lame ass complaint about my driving!!!"

Then I walked to my car and called 911.  I know you can't believe it.  The old me would've cried or just let it go...but honestly I now have no filter.  When people do something stupid or upsetting to me I HAVE TO TELL THEM.  Some guy started yelling about the way I was exiting the freeway and I actually rolled down my window asked him to repeat himself and then said to him "Not to use that language with me, because I'm not letting his craziness ruin my day."  I've told friends their lipstick color is all wrong, I've asked people "did they not see I was headed into that parking space?"  My new phrase is " I think we are going to have to talk about this?"

I am actually afraid of running into people I used to know, for fear I might tell them what I actually thought about them.  I find myself turning down other aisles when I see someone.


So you see why you have to look for that filter.

I'm really sorry to bother you - but it must be somewhere with you because 40s just laughed at me when I asked if they had one I could use.

Thanks.
Still missing you,
Me

p.s. You don't have to hurry.  Secretly I kinda like it!

The first letter

Dear 30's,

Well, its been over six months since you left me and I have to tell you that I still miss you.  I mean it's not like I didn't know you were leaving.  That was the plan right?  When you first came to me you and I both new our time together was only going to last 10 yrs, I just didn't know how short 10 years could be. AND I didn't understand what it meant that 40 would be coming after you.  I really enjoyed our time together and I got spoiled by all of the wonderful things that you brought to my life.  I loved my new sense of self, my new confidence and yes you even had me feeling sexier than those who came before you.  Being with you was AMAZING.  I look back at pictures of us together and sigh with the memories of just how compatible we were.  Then, just like it was nothing to you, like 10 year meant NOTHING you took off.  No note, not a single word of goodbye - just one day you were there and then the next day you were gone and 40 was in your place.

It took me a long time to remember that I can't check the box of us together.  I now have moved on and have to check the box with 40.  That's awful 40-55, or 40+  are you kidding me?  When we were together we were always grouped with all those younger ones, remember...25-35 or 30-34 all those wonderful numbers that kept me in the group of young vibrant people.  Now.  Well, now that your gone I might as well be headed to medicare. 

I am furious with you for some of the things you took with you.  Aside from my ability to check the old boxes I really think you should have checked with me before you took my stuff.  I want you to send back my wrinkle free forehead, my stamina, my ability to stay out late with my friends and my Miss.  Everyone now says Ma'am - so return that one first.

I have set a few things of yours out on the porch - the tendonitis (I didn't have before I met you), the cellulite, the acid reflux, and the grey hairs.  All of these I didn't have before we met and definately do not want to bring them into my new relationship with the 40s.

P.S.  if you run into my 20s have then return my perky breasts and my stretch mark free stomach!!!

Missing you,
Me